Love the Body You've Got (Take it From a Fat Girl)

I've never seen anyone like Beth Ditto in
the limelight before; I think her beauty is
absolutely magnetic. Hooray for confidence!

I recall a time in elementary school when a friend tried to defend me from a few bullies by saying that I "wasn't fat, just big-boned." A few years later, I had a teacher who — probably in an attempt to keep my ego intact — wouldn't let kids say "fat" in class, only "fluffy."

To set the record straight, I do not have abnormally large bones. And I am not, nor have I ever been, a rabbit. But whether it's these sugar-coated terms or the painfully unoriginal "ugly fat girl," I've never quite been able to shake my overweight status for long.

Despite a few traumatizing events (i.e. falling off the jungle gym, losing my paper pilgrim's hat on Thanksgiving, etc.), I have relatively good memories of elementary school. I was about a foot taller than everybody else and began experiencing all the joys of early puberty (ah, training bras!), but I still don't remember those days in terms of my body. Rather, I remember going insane on Field Day (I still have the ribbons to prove it), competing with my classmates to see who could write the most numbers (we had to sprawl our lists out in the hallway to measure them), and playing "The Magic Scrap" when our teacher needed to trick us into cleaning up our messes.

Middle school was a different story. I don't know what they started putting in the Capri Suns the summer between my 5th and 6th grade years, but everybody got meaner while I became more and more self-conscious. I was significantly - shall we say, heftier - than my classmates, and there were always those intent on reminding me that I was fat and they were not.

I was an emotional wreck. Whether people recognized it or not, I was basically writhing in my own skin, caught between trying to wear clothes that were "hip" (and feeling awkward), and falling back on dingy jeans and band t-shirts (and still feeling awkward).

I love Adele. But whenever I go on
Youtube all I see are comments
saying how "fat" she is. Tell me
this woman isn't beautiful.

High school, I am proud to say, is much better. No overweight teen is going to escape the negative comments that inevitably bounce through high school hallways, but I've found a comfortable niche among friends and clubmates where I feel almost immune to that sort of thing. I've been living by the mantra "If it won't matter in five years, don't worry about it."

But last week, after a several-month streak of body positivity, somebody really hurt me. And I don't even think they meant to.

Long story short, this person (who is probably a size 4 or smaller) complained about how much weight they've gained and, in a not-so-subtle way, alluded to the fact that I was unhealthy. Really? You're going to complain to me about how much weight you've gained? And then you're going to criticize my health, despite the fact you know how hard I bust my butt for school, projects, and all the stuff I'm involved with? I was literally thinking: "Sorry, insert-name-here, I haven't had much motivation to exercise lately. Hard to imagine why."

Needless to say, I felt really crappy when I got home that day. But then I found these posters in the Love Your Body Day section of the NOW website and immediately felt better.

My favorite poster.

To top it all off, I also found this quote in a random comment on the Ms. Magazine website:

The less we judge each other by the contours of our bodies, the more clearly we will see the true content of each other's characters.

Isn't that awesome?

It reminded me that in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter what we look like, just what we do. We're not going to be remembered for being a size 4 (or 24), so we might as well make the most of life without letting insecurities "weigh" us down.
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You may not know Beth Ditto (pictured above), but she's the lead singer of a band called Gossip (which originated only 30 miles from my hometown). Ditto is apparently well known for her outspoken support of both LGBT and feminist causes (according to the all-knowing Wikipedia), and is also an advocate of body positivity. Even if this isn't exactly my type of music, it's cool to see a bigger girl rock it out for once!

20 Ways to Lessen Your Risk of Sexual Assault

(Above) One of the many campaign ads
from Men Can Stop Rape, an
organization that seeks to redefine
masculinity and "mobilize men to
use their strength for creating cultures
 free from violence, especially
men's violence against women."

This article was submitted to me by Corrine at NursingDegree.net.

It's heartbreaking that I have to post this, but clearly sexual assault is an issue that we can't overlook. According to the Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN), a person in the U.S. is sexually assaulted every two minutes. According to that logic, there will be another victim — maybe two — by the time you finish reading this article.

Extending emotional support to sexual assault and rape survivors is certainly a topic for another post, but the link I'm about to share contains tips that could potentially spare you the pain of ever being caught off-guard in a dangerous situation. Sure, some of the tips are no-brainers (i.e. be aware of your surroundings), but if it could mean the difference between going into a situation prepared and going in unprepared, why not take a few minutes to look these tips over?

Here are the first 3 tips from 20 Ways to Lessen Your Risk of Sexual Assault:

1. Enroll in self-defense classes: Nearly every major city — and plenty of suburbs — hosts at least a few different self-defense and martial arts schools, as do many colleges and universities. Try to find one within a viable price range and workable schedule and put forth the effort to take regular classes. Make sure to also thoroughly research both the businesses and the different strategies they teach before making any commitment. Even if participants never have to put their newfound skills to use (and here’s hoping they don’t!), self-defense is one of the most valuable investments individuals make for their own safety and peace of mind.
2. Carry a weapon: Consider supplementing those self-defense classes by keeping a weapon concealed somewhere, like a purse or underneath a jacket. For those uncomfortable with the thought of owning a gun, options such as pepper spray, mace, stun guns or batons and plenty more provide a satisfactory level of protection as well. No matter which one proves best, however, anyone owning such devices must absolutely familiarize themselves with proper care, use, maintenance and (of course) legalities. Particularly when looking into gun ownership.
3. Travel in packs: It’s not always possible to step out with a few friends in tow, but take advantage of any situations where it is. Predators feed on vulnerability, as assault and rape have everything to do with power and almost nothing to do with sex. A small group, particularly one with a little self-defense training and/or weapons in the ranks, will certainly make each member feel far safer than if they were to travel alone. This strategy works well for parties, too, as a throng of trusted pals can look out for one another and intervene when it looks like something ugly might happen.
   Read the rest of the article here
   Check out these unsettling statistics from the RAINN's website:

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Update: Literally two seconds after publishing this article I found this post over at Teenagerie.com. The author's take on this "who should be responsible for preventing sexual assault" situation really touched me. Obviously, a person can take all the precautions in the world and still become a victim. No one is to blame for rape but rapists themselves, and if we spend time educating women how to protect themselves, we should spend an equal amount of time (if not more) reaching out to — let's face it, men — about ending violence against women. 

"Souls Speak Out" Against Domestic Violence

Sexual and domestic violence is all-too-real for many women across the United States (and the world), though most of us can't even fathom what must go through a woman's mind as she is being abused and left to deal with the lingering emotional trauma, or in some cases, (undeserved) guilt. If you've been affected by domestic violence and/or sexual abuse and would like to share your story, or read stories from other survivors, check out SoulSpeakOut:

"SoulSpeakOut is a space for survivors of all ages, genders, sexualities, cultural identities, nationalities, and abilities who have experienced sexual assault, domestic violence, incest, child sexual abuse, sexual harassment or any other violation of one’s body or sense of self to connect, validate and empower each other. Either anonymously or by name, survivors are encouraged to submit stories, testimonies, poetry or artwork concerning their experiences."

Women know that when we talk, we're not always looking for a solution. Sometimes we talk so we can heal, and so others will listen, and that's enough.