I Wish They'd "Take It All Off" the Internet

I found this gem whilst randomly site-surfing the other day. The composition was just too perfect; I had to take a screen-shot. I like to call it: "The Left is What I Saw, The Right is What I Thought." I'm just so tired of exploitative internet ads. It doesn't matter if you're doing research for a paper or looking up lyrics to a Wiggles song — you can't escape the misogyny!

The "R" Word (By Randi S.)

This piece was written by Randi S., and also appears on her blog The Radical Idea. Randi is an activist, writer, and student of international women's issues.

Rape. Go ahead, say it. It’s not such a pleasant word, of course. We don’t like to delve too much into the issue of rape, or how widespread it is. We don’t like to look at the heartbreaking accounts of victims’ experiences. We don’t like to imagine it could happen to us.

But it is there, the dirty laundry we’ve somehow failed to clean up. And it’s not just "there." 17.6% of women in the United States are victims of an attempted or completed rape; and on college campuses, that proportion rises to 20-25%. On top of that, 64% of those crimes are perpetrated by current or former spouses, cohabitating partners, or boyfriends. And that’s just the crimes we know about: the FBI estimates that less than 40% of rapes are reported to the police.

That’s a little uncomfortable to think about, no? Now, many colleges offer crash courses in defense against rape — my own university offers a class called Rape Aggression Defense, or RAD. But that isn’t always enough. Among college women, about 47% of rapes were by dates or romantic acquaintances, and that applies to both male and female rape victims, mind you.

Unfortunately, colleges do tend to downplay problems like sexual assault, according to Jennifer Dorsey, a RAD instructor at American University in Washington, DC. Dorsey, who instructs women in moves used for self defense, says that a lot of what RAD teaches deals with mindset — focusing on understanding those who have been raped to be survivors, not just victims.

That’s an important point, because often victims of rape do suffer from psychological consequences, including anxiety, guilt, and depression. It can be a traumatic and redefining experience, but people shy away from talking about it, and the problems it cause make victims even more likely to be re-victimized. On top of that, 44% of women who have been date-raped say they’ve considered suicide, because they often feel they’ve lost who they previously were, or because of the shame/depression that accompanies this kind of situation.

Now, it can’t be denied that some percentage of rape cases are false accusations — but that’s about the same rate as other violent crimes, and yet you don’t see victims of burglaries or assault painted the same way that rape victims often are. In fact, sexual violence is a real problem because of the stigma attached to it — and because of the sense of humiliation and hurt that most victims encounter, making them reluctant to come forward about their experiences. According to Dorsey, many women don’t come forward "because (a) they feel it’s their fault or (b) they fear they’ll be judged for admitting it happened." And those two reasons are linked back to an increasingly prominent problem: victim-blaming.

Cases of victim-blaming are becoming more common, or at least more publicized, as people become increasingly agitated about the phenomenon. An AOL news story in March of 2011 reported that following the gang rape of an 11-year-old girl in Texas, much of the outrage was in fact directed at the victim.

In a remark that caused the controversy that would eventually inspire the SlutWalk campaign, a Canadian police officer commented that "if women want to avoid being raped, they should avoid dressing like sluts." This kind of victim-blaming is (a) not uncommon and (b) is probably part of why victims are reluctant to come forward. But the reality is, rape is not about sex: it’s about control. And people can try to point fingers at girls in short skirts and say they create temptation, they create opportunity, but that doesn’t make the rape any less of a crime. And odds are, if rape is about control, it’s more a matter of "when" than "if" — the victim was more likely just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

So right here, right now, I just want to state very plainly what every crisis center and advocacy group and counselling resource has ever said: victims of rape and sexual assault are not at fault for the crimes perpetrated against them. 

As a character in Jodi Picoult’s The Tenth Circle states, "A rape victim and a fatal accident victim are both gone forever. The difference is that the rape victim still had to go through the motions of being alive." Blaming the victims only removes blame from the people who actually commit these crimes and violate other human beings. The job of friends, family, and communities is not to shove blame onto these victims, but to help them try to make sense of their lives in the aftermath of what has happened to them.

And on top of that, "no" always means "no". Even if you’re already making out, even if you’re past making out, even if clothes are coming off, no one is ever obligated to go through with a sexual act against their will. The other person may get angry, call them a tease, whatever, but the minute those words turn into action and consent is violated, it is rape. It is a crime. And it is always the fault of the person who actually commits that act.

Love the Body You've Got (Take it From a Fat Girl)

I've never seen anyone like Beth Ditto in
the limelight before; I think her beauty is
absolutely magnetic. Hooray for confidence!

I recall a time in elementary school when a friend tried to defend me from a few bullies by saying that I "wasn't fat, just big-boned." A few years later, I had a teacher who — probably in an attempt to keep my ego intact — wouldn't let kids say "fat" in class, only "fluffy."

To set the record straight, I do not have abnormally large bones. And I am not, nor have I ever been, a rabbit. But whether it's these sugar-coated terms or the painfully unoriginal "ugly fat girl," I've never quite been able to shake my overweight status for long.

Despite a few traumatizing events (i.e. falling off the jungle gym, losing my paper pilgrim's hat on Thanksgiving, etc.), I have relatively good memories of elementary school. I was about a foot taller than everybody else and began experiencing all the joys of early puberty (ah, training bras!), but I still don't remember those days in terms of my body. Rather, I remember going insane on Field Day (I still have the ribbons to prove it), competing with my classmates to see who could write the most numbers (we had to sprawl our lists out in the hallway to measure them), and playing "The Magic Scrap" when our teacher needed to trick us into cleaning up our messes.

Middle school was a different story. I don't know what they started putting in the Capri Suns the summer between my 5th and 6th grade years, but everybody got meaner while I became more and more self-conscious. I was significantly - shall we say, heftier - than my classmates, and there were always those intent on reminding me that I was fat and they were not.

I was an emotional wreck. Whether people recognized it or not, I was basically writhing in my own skin, caught between trying to wear clothes that were "hip" (and feeling awkward), and falling back on dingy jeans and band t-shirts (and still feeling awkward).

I love Adele. But whenever I go on
Youtube all I see are comments
saying how "fat" she is. Tell me
this woman isn't beautiful.

High school, I am proud to say, is much better. No overweight teen is going to escape the negative comments that inevitably bounce through high school hallways, but I've found a comfortable niche among friends and clubmates where I feel almost immune to that sort of thing. I've been living by the mantra "If it won't matter in five years, don't worry about it."

But last week, after a several-month streak of body positivity, somebody really hurt me. And I don't even think they meant to.

Long story short, this person (who is probably a size 4 or smaller) complained about how much weight they've gained and, in a not-so-subtle way, alluded to the fact that I was unhealthy. Really? You're going to complain to me about how much weight you've gained? And then you're going to criticize my health, despite the fact you know how hard I bust my butt for school, projects, and all the stuff I'm involved with? I was literally thinking: "Sorry, insert-name-here, I haven't had much motivation to exercise lately. Hard to imagine why."

Needless to say, I felt really crappy when I got home that day. But then I found these posters in the Love Your Body Day section of the NOW website and immediately felt better.

My favorite poster.

To top it all off, I also found this quote in a random comment on the Ms. Magazine website:

The less we judge each other by the contours of our bodies, the more clearly we will see the true content of each other's characters.

Isn't that awesome?

It reminded me that in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter what we look like, just what we do. We're not going to be remembered for being a size 4 (or 24), so we might as well make the most of life without letting insecurities "weigh" us down.
______________________________________________________________

You may not know Beth Ditto (pictured above), but she's the lead singer of a band called Gossip (which originated only 30 miles from my hometown). Ditto is apparently well known for her outspoken support of both LGBT and feminist causes (according to the all-knowing Wikipedia), and is also an advocate of body positivity. Even if this isn't exactly my type of music, it's cool to see a bigger girl rock it out for once!

A Video that Summarizes My Views on Gay Marriage

This video perfectly — and I mean perfectly — summarizes my feelings on gay marriage. Watch it (the actual thing starts at 0:28), and I'm pretty sure you'll figure out where I stand. 
If you like Nineteenpercent, check out her other video Beyonce - Run the World (LIES)!

20 Ways to Lessen Your Risk of Sexual Assault

(Above) One of the many campaign ads
from Men Can Stop Rape, an
organization that seeks to redefine
masculinity and "mobilize men to
use their strength for creating cultures
 free from violence, especially
men's violence against women."

This article was submitted to me by Corrine at NursingDegree.net.

It's heartbreaking that I have to post this, but clearly sexual assault is an issue that we can't overlook. According to the Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN), a person in the U.S. is sexually assaulted every two minutes. According to that logic, there will be another victim — maybe two — by the time you finish reading this article.

Extending emotional support to sexual assault and rape survivors is certainly a topic for another post, but the link I'm about to share contains tips that could potentially spare you the pain of ever being caught off-guard in a dangerous situation. Sure, some of the tips are no-brainers (i.e. be aware of your surroundings), but if it could mean the difference between going into a situation prepared and going in unprepared, why not take a few minutes to look these tips over?

Here are the first 3 tips from 20 Ways to Lessen Your Risk of Sexual Assault:

1. Enroll in self-defense classes: Nearly every major city — and plenty of suburbs — hosts at least a few different self-defense and martial arts schools, as do many colleges and universities. Try to find one within a viable price range and workable schedule and put forth the effort to take regular classes. Make sure to also thoroughly research both the businesses and the different strategies they teach before making any commitment. Even if participants never have to put their newfound skills to use (and here’s hoping they don’t!), self-defense is one of the most valuable investments individuals make for their own safety and peace of mind.
2. Carry a weapon: Consider supplementing those self-defense classes by keeping a weapon concealed somewhere, like a purse or underneath a jacket. For those uncomfortable with the thought of owning a gun, options such as pepper spray, mace, stun guns or batons and plenty more provide a satisfactory level of protection as well. No matter which one proves best, however, anyone owning such devices must absolutely familiarize themselves with proper care, use, maintenance and (of course) legalities. Particularly when looking into gun ownership.
3. Travel in packs: It’s not always possible to step out with a few friends in tow, but take advantage of any situations where it is. Predators feed on vulnerability, as assault and rape have everything to do with power and almost nothing to do with sex. A small group, particularly one with a little self-defense training and/or weapons in the ranks, will certainly make each member feel far safer than if they were to travel alone. This strategy works well for parties, too, as a throng of trusted pals can look out for one another and intervene when it looks like something ugly might happen.
   Read the rest of the article here
   Check out these unsettling statistics from the RAINN's website:

___________________________

Update: Literally two seconds after publishing this article I found this post over at Teenagerie.com. The author's take on this "who should be responsible for preventing sexual assault" situation really touched me. Obviously, a person can take all the precautions in the world and still become a victim. No one is to blame for rape but rapists themselves, and if we spend time educating women how to protect themselves, we should spend an equal amount of time (if not more) reaching out to — let's face it, men — about ending violence against women. 

Help Stop the Official Release of Kanye's "Monster"

While toying with drugged women on his
bed, Kanye muses whether women are
"best living or dead."

I was surfing the Net when I found this article on the cleverly-titled feminist blog Reclaiming Roe. I am absolutely disgusted and outraged by the content of the article, which talks about a new music video by "artist" (I use the term loosely) Kanye West. The video is for a song called "Monster" and features drugged or dead women (I can't tell which) who are either in chains or in the process of being sexually assaulted.

I refuse to post the video on this blog because it is very graphic, both in language and imagery. But if you need to experience the horror for yourself to get a better idea of the violence and degradation I'm talking about, you can find the video here. (To my younger readers, please don't corrupt yourselves!)

Anyway, while I struggle to find PG words to capture my fury, please sign the online petition Prevent the Official Release of Kanye West's Women-Hating 'Monster' Video, and get all of your friends to do the same!

The petition reads as followed:

We the undersigned write in response to the leaked video teaser of Kanye West's video "Monster," released by HipHipConnection.com. The shocking and demeaning images of slain women, fetishized and eroticized in the video clip, suggest that violence against women is sexy. The 30-second clip sends the message that women as lifeless and passive objects are sexually appealing.

 As one critic has written, "Women are slaves and bitches who can service a man's sexual needs, even in death. Men are brutal and dominant, and have no empathy for women. Men enjoy dead women as sex and entertainment. The female body is to be devoured, reduced to the same status as meat. Female bodies should be displayed before men as a great feast for their consumption."

The mainstreaming of videos of this nature, combined with accessible and repeated exposure contributes to desensitized and callous attitudes toward violence against women, which is a scourge around the world. Becoming numb to violent images makes violent acts easier to commit and condone.

We ask you to consider the fact that much of West's fan base is comprised of young people in the formative stages of their development. Possibly millions of them globally will absorb and potentially internalize the unhealthy and harmful messages that women are playthings and objects of male pleasure - even if dead or drugged - and that they do not deserve basic human rights.

We hope you will agree with us that the music industry portrayals of women's pain, suffering, abuse, objectification, and victimization as valid forms of entertainment are not acceptable.

An official release date of the full-length video has yet to be announced. We respectfully request that you take a stand against the official release of "Monster" by refusing to promote, support, and/or give it airtime.

We await your response.

Google has spoken, and Google knows all.