My Problem With "Maggie Goes On A Diet"

I discovered Maggie Goes On A Diet during one of my morning rituals (I tend to start my days with a cup o' joe and a few interesting Yahoo! articles). As the above video explains, the book, aimed at girls as young as 6 or 7, is about an overweight 14-year-old who decides to go on a diet after being teased mercilessly by her classmates.

I probably don't have to tell you that Maggie has sparked a lot of controversy. The media has been raving about so-called "mommy bloggers" who are up in arms over how the book mishandles sensitive body image issues, but what I noticed after sifting through the comments on several news articles is a slightly different attitude:

"There is nothing offensive about this book, unless you're living in denial. Girls do tend to obsess about their weight and image far more than boys, so choosing a girl as the main character makes sense." 

"God forbid she take up an activity that causes her to lose weight. What an awful message." 

"This book is a good thing. The last thing this world needs
is more fat chicks."

I'm not usually a fan of chatspeak, but I think that last statement warrants a big-ass smh.

I have no objection whatsoever to children's books teaching healthy eating habits and the value of exercise, but as a former (and current) Fat Girl this book is offensive. Society has always done a bang-up job of making girls feel like crap about themselves, and this book is the icing on the cake — or should I say, the no-calorie sweetener on the high-fiber oatmeal?

What could have been an uplifting book about a girl eating wholesome foods, having fun playing outside, and ultimately feeling good about herself (without other's approval) turned into a social commentary about the unacceptability of being overweight in our society. Maggie is a loser when she's fat. Nobody likes her. The boys all point and laugh. But then she drops X number of pounds and people are putty in her hands. She becomes the star of the soccer team, people know her by name and want to be her friend, and boys even think she's cute — the ultimate triumph! *gags*

I'm not denying the fact that there's an obesity problem in this country and I'm certainly not knocking the importance of a balanced diet and exercise. But there's a way to deal with these issues without telling little girls that their physical appearance and value as a person are inextricably linked.

Miss Representation (Documentary Trailer)

"Because You Think Being A Girl Is Degrading"

(Above) Do androgynous models catch flack for rocking the very concept of
gender binary to its core? Well, if they do, they're probably too
busy making snow angels in piles of cash to notice.

When I was in 8th grade, my teacher wanted to liven things up by giving us a debate topic that was a tad more risqué than usual, at least by middle-school standards. The topic was: Is it better to be a girl or a boy? Not "which sex is better?", but literally "which sex has the better end of the deal?"

I remember being excited by this question. As a little feminist-in-the-making (which at that age probably translated to "Woo! Girls rule!"), I had my answer perfectly formulated before anybody else had time to blink: 

Obviously, girls have it better because we have more freedom when it comes to doing the things we want. Girls can play sports and do other "guy stuff" and people think it's cool. But poor boys, if they want to knit, or bake, or do stereotypical "girl stuff" people make fun of them for it.

I was confident with this answer. It felt rock-solid, and I didn't think anybody would be able to come up with a good counter-argument when it came time to duke things out in the classroom. Truth be told, I can't remember what words were exchanged that day, but I do remember feeling utterly betrayed when my friend — a Korean chick who, to this day, is still one of the coolest and funniest people I know — sat on the boys' side of the argument. I just couldn't understand why she thought boys had a better deal in life. What happened to sisterhood?

Looking back, I realize now that my friend (who I'll call Ki-Jyeong Mung for legal reasons) was smarter than all of us. While the rest of us girls sat in smug satisfaction that we had a pretty good set-up in life (We could choose to be tomboys or girly-girls! How liberating!), we didn't understand the deeper implications of our opinion. When a girl is admired for kicking tail on the basketball court but a boy is called every number of degrading names for wearing a holiday sweater that's too "feminine," what is that really saying about the female gender?

After all these years, I finally get it. And I think this picture (which quotes a Madonna song) sums "it" up perfectly.

The "R" Word (By Randi S.)

This piece was written by Randi S., and also appears on her blog The Radical Idea. Randi is an activist, writer, and student of international women's issues.

Rape. Go ahead, say it. It’s not such a pleasant word, of course. We don’t like to delve too much into the issue of rape, or how widespread it is. We don’t like to look at the heartbreaking accounts of victims’ experiences. We don’t like to imagine it could happen to us.

But it is there, the dirty laundry we’ve somehow failed to clean up. And it’s not just "there." 17.6% of women in the United States are victims of an attempted or completed rape; and on college campuses, that proportion rises to 20-25%. On top of that, 64% of those crimes are perpetrated by current or former spouses, cohabitating partners, or boyfriends. And that’s just the crimes we know about: the FBI estimates that less than 40% of rapes are reported to the police.

That’s a little uncomfortable to think about, no? Now, many colleges offer crash courses in defense against rape — my own university offers a class called Rape Aggression Defense, or RAD. But that isn’t always enough. Among college women, about 47% of rapes were by dates or romantic acquaintances, and that applies to both male and female rape victims, mind you.

Unfortunately, colleges do tend to downplay problems like sexual assault, according to Jennifer Dorsey, a RAD instructor at American University in Washington, DC. Dorsey, who instructs women in moves used for self defense, says that a lot of what RAD teaches deals with mindset — focusing on understanding those who have been raped to be survivors, not just victims.

That’s an important point, because often victims of rape do suffer from psychological consequences, including anxiety, guilt, and depression. It can be a traumatic and redefining experience, but people shy away from talking about it, and the problems it cause make victims even more likely to be re-victimized. On top of that, 44% of women who have been date-raped say they’ve considered suicide, because they often feel they’ve lost who they previously were, or because of the shame/depression that accompanies this kind of situation.

Now, it can’t be denied that some percentage of rape cases are false accusations — but that’s about the same rate as other violent crimes, and yet you don’t see victims of burglaries or assault painted the same way that rape victims often are. In fact, sexual violence is a real problem because of the stigma attached to it — and because of the sense of humiliation and hurt that most victims encounter, making them reluctant to come forward about their experiences. According to Dorsey, many women don’t come forward "because (a) they feel it’s their fault or (b) they fear they’ll be judged for admitting it happened." And those two reasons are linked back to an increasingly prominent problem: victim-blaming.

Cases of victim-blaming are becoming more common, or at least more publicized, as people become increasingly agitated about the phenomenon. An AOL news story in March of 2011 reported that following the gang rape of an 11-year-old girl in Texas, much of the outrage was in fact directed at the victim.

In a remark that caused the controversy that would eventually inspire the SlutWalk campaign, a Canadian police officer commented that "if women want to avoid being raped, they should avoid dressing like sluts." This kind of victim-blaming is (a) not uncommon and (b) is probably part of why victims are reluctant to come forward. But the reality is, rape is not about sex: it’s about control. And people can try to point fingers at girls in short skirts and say they create temptation, they create opportunity, but that doesn’t make the rape any less of a crime. And odds are, if rape is about control, it’s more a matter of "when" than "if" — the victim was more likely just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

So right here, right now, I just want to state very plainly what every crisis center and advocacy group and counselling resource has ever said: victims of rape and sexual assault are not at fault for the crimes perpetrated against them. 

As a character in Jodi Picoult’s The Tenth Circle states, "A rape victim and a fatal accident victim are both gone forever. The difference is that the rape victim still had to go through the motions of being alive." Blaming the victims only removes blame from the people who actually commit these crimes and violate other human beings. The job of friends, family, and communities is not to shove blame onto these victims, but to help them try to make sense of their lives in the aftermath of what has happened to them.

And on top of that, "no" always means "no". Even if you’re already making out, even if you’re past making out, even if clothes are coming off, no one is ever obligated to go through with a sexual act against their will. The other person may get angry, call them a tease, whatever, but the minute those words turn into action and consent is violated, it is rape. It is a crime. And it is always the fault of the person who actually commits that act.

When You're About To Say Something Stupid . . .

A Modest Proposal (Abortion Edition)

Last year in class we read A Modest Proposal (1729) by Jonathan Swift. It's a satirical piece in which Swift suggests that the Irish should eat their own babies rather than tackle problems of overpopulation and poverty head-on. We were asked to write a similarly satirical piece about an impassioned issue, so I chose abortion rights. [WARNING: The keyword here is "satire," people!]

Which side am I really on?

Written October 9, 2010

Abortion has been one of the most fiercely debated topics of the 21st century, and frankly, I’m tired of hearing about it. If right-wingers truly believe abortion is a sin, and the women who choose to abort are evil, heartless murderers, it’s time to do something rather than settle for bad picket signs and expect anything to happen. What, are we just going to say “no more abortions!” and wait for them to disappear like rats up a drain pipe? We need to get to the root of the problem.

First, we need to ask ourselves: what drives women to have abortions? Are these women simply born with demonic souls, or are they driven to kill after years of reckless partying, drinking, and hardcore drugs (because obviously, any woman callous enough to get an abortion must be sniffing the Big H)? 

Some will have you believe that the decision has less to do with a woman’s lifestyle, and more with what she can expect for the future of her baby. If a woman becomes pregnant, these pro-choicers cry, and her partner is irresponsible, refuses to pay child support, or just gets up and leaves, she may not have the means to provide for a child. Pro-choicers want us to think that if a woman has a dead-end job, absolutely no support, and struggles just to find her next meal, it’s okay for her to choose an abortion rather than let her child suffer. 

Evil, right?

I propose three solutions to the abortion epidemic in this country. First, we must outlaw condoms and sex education. By exposing children to the mechanics of sex and pregnancy prevention as early as middle school, we’re basically telling them (a) it’s okay to “get jiggy with it,” and (b) there are ultimately no consequences because any mistake (i.e. pregnancy) can simply be undone (i.e. abortion). By outlawing condoms, couples will know that their actions may result in an unwanted pregnancy, and they’ll refrain from doing the deed in the first place.

Next, we must set up a national fund to pay women for choosing life over murder. If a poverty-stricken woman is given a choice between having an abortion or receiving a lump sum and letting her baby live, she’ll definitely choose the money. Thus, dinner is served and she can live happily ever after — guilt and problem free — with her bouncing bundle of joy.

Finally, we must make it illegal for two people to have “relations” without first signing mutual contracts in which they provide vital information, including (but not limited to): their name, age, sex, complete medical history, social security number, financial records, and high school transcript. By making the intimate details of our medical histories accessible to the public, we will know at once who has heart conditions, bladder control problems, hemorrhoids, STDs, clinical baldness, etc. and can thus make better decisions about our sexual partners. Not to mention, women will never be in the position of deciding whether or not to keep her child because of an irresponsible partner — she will already have access to his bank account! It’s the perfect solution!

As long as we’re willing to give up any shred of privacy whatsoever and allow the government to have free reign over our personal lives, we can eradicate abortion in America once and for all.

Sure, we could take the easy route and assume women are intelligent and conscientious enough to make their own decisions about their own bodies; we could have faith in the fact that women don’t take abortion lightly, that they think about it long and hard, and are affected by it each and every day for the rest of their lives; we could even focus on better sex education and allow free access to birth control to lessen the chance that couples would have to face an unplanned pregnancy in the first place.

But we’re Americans, and we don’t like to take the easy route.

Interview With A Cult Member

And today's Dumbass Award goes to . . .

Since mentioning them in my post about SlutWalk Seattle a few weeks ago, I promised myself that I wouldn't write about the Westboro Baptist Church ever, ever again. They're America's most infamous hate-mongers, using the bible and Christianity (at least, their brand of Christianity) to justify savage and hateful messages targeted at almost every group imaginable: homosexuals, abortionists, Muslims, Jews, Roman Catholics, even the United States military.

There's a 99.999% chance that WBC hates you, too.

Free speech is one of many things that makes our nation — well, to be quite frank — pretty damn awesome, but this insane, hate-filled cult abuses that right to personally attack the aforementioned groups and their families. When they're not stomping the American flag with soccer cleats or posting hateful parodies of popular songs on their website (the homophobic buggers even had the nerve to parody an Elton John song), they travel thousands of miles from their cozy coven in Topeka, Kansas to picket military funerals, gay pride events, Jewish community centers, etc.

They even went so far as to picket the funeral of Matthew Shepard, a young man who was murdered in 1998 for no other reason than the fact that he was gay. In response, WBC posted this on their website:

WBC picketed the funeral of Matthew Shepard, to inject a little truth and sanity into the irrational orgy of lies consuming this world. WBC does not support the murder of Matthew Shepard . . . However, the truth about Matthew Shepard needs to be known. He lived a Satanic lifestyle. He got himself killed trolling for anonymous homosexual sex in a bar at midnight. Unless he repented in the final hours of his life, he is in hell. He will be in hell for all eternity,

Have you bashed in your screen yet? No? Okay, let's keep going.

Don't get me wrong, I know what these people are doing. Let's just say it's no coincidence that WBC has so many lawyers in the family. They're media-hounds. They picked the most controversial subjects in existence — homosexuality, religion, patriotism, the government — and have blown them into crazy proportions in order to get people to fire back at them. If somebody so much as lays a finger on one of these "peaceful protesters" BAM! They're slapped with a billion dollar lawsuit and consecutive life sentences. You gotta hand it to these guys. They've got a sweet little operation set up.

Here's a documentary about WBC called "The Most Hated Family in America." It's interesting, but watch it at your own risk! These people are very, very, very, very, very, very (did I say very?) offensive.

Back to the topic at hand, I had a crazy whim to get in contact with WBC yesterday. I wanted to  know what it was like to talk to somebody who has such blatant disregard for compassion, humanity — and since WBC's website mockingly claims that they lose 0 nanoseconds of sleep over other people's "thoughts and feeeeellllliiiiiiings," I knew any member of the church would be a perfect match.

It took about an hour and twenty failed call attempts to reach anybody from the church. Clever Netizens have posted the personal phone numbers of all WBC leaders online, but the poor saps can probably only take so many prank calls before they have to acquire new numbers, rendering their old numbers invalid. After hearing The number you have dialed is no longer in service for the twentieth time, finally, I succeeded.

This is a transcript of my interview with a member of the Westboro Baptist Cult — I mean Church. For privacy's sake (and the fact that I can't afford to get sued), I've changed the interviewee's name:

*Phone ringing* 

Schmoopie: This is Schmoopie, may I help you? 

Danielle: Hi, are you affiliated with the Westboro Baptist Church? 

S: I am. 

D: Um, I actually have a few questions. 

S: You have a few questions? 

D: Yeah, I was actually wondering how you guys felt— 

S: Is this kind of a personal inquiry or is this a media inquiry? 

D: More personal. It's just one question . . .  

S: Go ahead. 

D: What is your church's view on feminism, women's rights, that kind of thing? 

S: On, on what now? 

D: Feminism, women's rights? 

S: Oh well, uh, God — there's nothin' wrong with women. *laughs* God didn't say it was an abomination to be a woman. Uh, yeah, so women are cool. 

*audible laughter in the background* 

D: Oh, okay. So what about feminism in general? Do you—

S: You, you mean — well if by feminism you mean, uh, women, uh, trying to be all that and a bag of chips? 

D: Uh, no, I mean women who are fighting for equal pay, equal treatment under the law, that kind of thing? 

S: Well I think that, uh, everybody ought to be treated equal under the law, and I think that women have every right in the world to make as much money as a man does to do the same job.  

D: Okay. 

S: Yeah, that's all groovy-gravy right there. 

D: So, you don't believe that if a woman, or even a man, defines themself as a feminist that they would go to hell? 

S: Well, I think that anybody who defines themself as a feminist, uh, probably isn't interested in the bible. 

D: Oh, why is that? There are plenty of women who mesh— 

S: Did you just, did you ask me a question? Do you want me to answer it? 

D: Yes. Sorry. 

S: Alright, cool. So anybody who defines themself as a feminist probably doesn't have the, um, a proper fear of the lord. I'm not trying to throw a big blanket over the whole thing, but what I'm saying is, the kinds of things that you've talked about, the kinds of aspects of feminism that you've already talked about — equal pay, equal treatment under the law — that doesn't have anything to do with feminism. And certainly we're not opposed to anything like that, but I will tell you that some aspects of quote-on-quote feminism is, I think the Westboro Baptist Church absolutely has a problem with. And that is, that would be stuff like this: Um, the bible says "I suffer not a woman to teach," so the idea of a woma— of female preachers in the pulpits in the churches . . . 

D: Mhmm? 

S: Is an absolute no-no by scriptural standards. Furthermore, uh, uh, the wife is subject to the husband in all things in that marriage covenant. So in other words, you know the husband or the father in the house is the authority in the house. He's the final say in the house. So, those aspects of things, that the feminist movement has tried, has tried for a long time now to usurp and to reject. Uh, w-we, we absolutely — look — if man says one thing, and God says another, you know, vis a vis the bible, we're gonna go with the bible.  

D: Okay. 

S: But we don't have, we don't have any problem with the stuff, huh, the [unintelligible] equal treatment under the law, and the equal pay, and those kinds of things. Who the heck would want to pay a woman and a man a different wage for doing the same job? 

D: Exactly. Um, actually feminism as I know it is exactly what you said: it's fighting for equal rights, equal pay, equal political opportunities, so I was just curious — what is your definition of a feminist?  

Directions:

1. Look up book on Amazon

2. Read synopsis

3. Commence punching yourself

    in the face

S: Well that's a little bit, you know look, I have my definition of feminism . . . You know used to, I used to study, uh, philosophy at the Department — at the, the University of Kansas. I worked on a piece there for a while, so I have a philosophical definition of feminism, but then you— feminism is one of those kinda murky, uh, there really isn't a tightly-wound, uh, you know, disposition there, it's kinda like nailing jello to a tree. 

If you ask five different people what feminism is you're proba— you're bound to get five different answers. But, so, like I said, those aspects of, of feminism that have to do with equal treatment under the law, we're all for. But when you usurp the bible's authority on some aspects of feminism like, say, putting women in the pulpits, and, and having women— and there's a really good book for you to read on this. I can't think of the author's name, but I can tell you what the, the name of the book is. You'll really like this. It's called, uh, Bobbed Hair, Bossy Wives, and Women Preachers. And that's, that's got kind of a bible view of how a true church of the lord Jesus Christ oughta take a look at the roles of women. 

Well, I like women though. I got daughters and I got friends, sisters in Christ, and I have a wife. Cool? 

D: Okay. Thank you very much. 

S: Alright. 

D: 'Kay, bye.

Would I have liked a more substantial interview, one where I was actually given the time to sputter out more than "okay" and "mhmm"? Absolutely.

Analyze that conversation as you will, but I just think it proves that the members of WBC are incredibly closed-minded. Schmoopie may have pretended to be progressive and enlightened by oh-so-intelligently proclaiming his love and appreciation for the female sex (and I quote: "women are cool"), but he's obviously no different than the author of the horrendous book he suggested to me:

• Someone who doesn't think women are fit to teach anyone with a male appendage, 
• someone who thinks wives should keep their mouths shut rather than have opinions of their own, and 
• someone who thinks women shouldn't even be allowed to cut their freaking hair.

I've thought a lot about this since yesterday. I've stewed over it. Rued over it. And as drunkenly ridiculous as this may sound, I think America needs groups like the Westboro Baptist Church. Why? Because they show us the wrong way to live. They show us what hate really looks like, thereby solidifying many of our beliefs in true justice, love, tolerance, and equality. 

So thank you, WBC, for being such major jackasses!

And remember kiddies, if the Westboro Baptist Church hates you, that must mean you're doing something right!

____________________________

Recommended Videos:

• Shirley Phelps (WBC) Gets Bashed by Julie Banderas on Fox News
• Shirley Phelps (WBC) on Tyra Banks' Show
• Shirley Phelps Thinks that the Amish Girls Deserved to Die
• Michael Moore vs. Westboro Baptist Church
• Anonymous Hacks Westboro Baptist Church Website
• Westboro Baptist Church Family Disowns Daughter

____________________________

Contact Information:

If you would like to email WBC, possibly give 'em a piece of your mind, go here.

If you'd like to personally call one of the members of WBC like I did, go here. Scroll down until you see the second phone number given by a person called "C." I heard WBC likes phone calls at 3 am.

SlutWalk Seattle and the Awesomeness that Ensued

I was so excited to attend SlutWalk Seattle with my friend Sera two weekends ago. Seattle got a very interesting makeover (see pictures above) when hundreds of people gathered to protest an all too common (and completely ridiculous) notion: that women "should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized."

As the event's website explains:

People aren’t assaulted because they invited it or enticed others to it by looking a certain way; they’re assaulted because somebody chose to assault them. Saying that survivors could have protected themselves by not looking like “sluts” implies that the survivors are at fault and creates a culture in which the heinous crime of sexual assault is seen as no big deal.

This was my first real "protest." I probably saw more skin that day than I've seen in my entire life, but the fact that people could be so bold in order to make a point (i.e. it doesn't matter what you're wearing — or not wearing — rape is never okay) was truly inspiring. In my nothing-fancy Seinfeld t-shirt and jeans I felt a little intimidated at first, but once I started talking to random people and asking to take their pictures, I realized that these were some of the kindest and most activism-driven people I'd ever met in my life.

Sorry for the cliche, but you really can't judge a book by its cover.

The event itself consisted of marching from Cal Anderson Park to Westlake Center, both in Seattle. The atmosphere was incredibly positive and uplifting, even though we got a visit from the infamous Westboro Baptist Church. If you've never heard of WBC, they've gained national media attention for protesting the funerals of fallen soldiers and spreading their hateful, homophobic, anti-Semitic religious dogma at a variety of high-profile events. WBC hates Jews, homosexuals, the U.S. military, sluts (and many others, I'm sure), and are known for their bold, colorful signs that say everything from "Aids Cures F*gs" to "Thank God for Dead Soldiers."

I was excited to see WBC in person. I wanted to see the idiocy up close.

I didn't get any good shots of WBC in Seattle, so I had to Google a photo.
This is actually one of the less offensive pictures I found!

But, I don't want to waste time talking about these assholes. If you'd like to spend the next hour or so yelling at your computer monitor, I suggest you Google them. *smiles*

For me, the most surreal and passionate and amazing part of the protest was when everybody chanted together. Hundreds of voices tangled to create a gigantic, powerful echo; we rattled the entire city with sayings like "Wherever we go, however we dress, no means no, and yes means yes!" and "When women's rights are under attack, what we do? Stand up! Fight back!"

If you can imagine the strangest collection of people ever — men, women, children, the elderly — of every orientation, color, body shape, and style of dress — all united by a common cause, that's what SlutWalk Seattle felt like. Being a feminist can feel lonely and alienating when it seems like the world is against you, but last Sunday I was embraced by an entire community of people who were willing to risk anything to fight for women's rights.

Another poignant part of the day was when we heard from Cee Fisher, a member of a socialist feminist organization called Radical Women. At one point she screamed "Show Seattle what a feminist looks like!" into her microphone, and everyone in the crowd pointed to themselves and repeated the sentiment.

I'm not a loud person by any means. But when Cee Fisher challenged us to show the city — neigh, the world — what a feminist looked like, I pointed to myself and screamed along with everyone else.

You know those times when you feel so impassioned you just want to cry?

That was one of those moments.
____________________________

There were some very powerful speakers at SlutWalk. We heard from feminists, a spoken word artist, and even people who've experienced rape and sexual assault first-hand. Here's a video of one speaker who nearly had me in tears. A recent women's studies major and graduate of the University of Washington, this woman explained what she had to go through to convict her attacker.

More Pictures:

• SlutWalk Seattle 2011 (Flickr)
• SlutWalk Seattle Photos (Facebook)

News Articles:

• Reclaiming Stereotypes by Kirsten Johnson (UW Newspaper)
• SlutWalk aims to empower women through a bold message by Elizabeth Dinh (Komo News)
• Rape awareness aim of Sunday's SlutWalk in Seattle by Katherine Long (Seattle Times)
• Hundreds march in Seattle 'SlutWalk' demonstration by Tonya Mosley (King 5 News)

A Video that Summarizes My Views on Gay Marriage

This video perfectly — and I mean perfectly — summarizes my feelings on gay marriage. Watch it (the actual thing starts at 0:28), and I'm pretty sure you'll figure out where I stand. 
If you like Nineteenpercent, check out her other video Beyonce - Run the World (LIES)!

What advice would you give a budding feminist (who just happens to have an anti-feminist stepmom)?

It can be extremely frustrating when
people just don't *get* what
we're about.

There's no escaping it: at some point or another every feminist is going to have to deal with people who aren't exactly supportive of our cause. 

But what happens when these people are our best friends, our neighbors, or our very own parents?

The question below was submitted to me by Serena, a relatively new feminist who's experiencing some friction with her stepmom. Serena gave me permission to post this question on Experimentations in hopes of hearing different perspectives.


What would YOU do in Serena's situation?

Hello! My name is Serena. I have been reading your blog off and on for a while now and well, I finally feel comfortable asking you something. 

Here goes: I am really new to feminism and . . . enjoy learning everything I can. My problem is my parents, my stepmother in particular. Feminists are the enemy and there is no changing her mind, which is fine, but I don't like being backed into a corner. 

Recently, I was [arguing] that pregnancy was unfair and that men got the lucky end of the reproductive stick. Well anyway, she starts talking about men's rights and it's all the feminists fault for taking away men's parental rights. Her comments really took me by surprise and I had nothing to [say back] . . . so I was wondering if you had any material that I should read so I can have an intelligible debate with her. Now that I think about it, every time I say something good about feminism, she comes back with "they took men's rights away from them." 

I hope I made sense. Thank you for any help that you give me, I really do appreciate it.