Interview With A Cult Member

And today's Dumbass Award goes to . . .

Since mentioning them in my post about SlutWalk Seattle a few weeks ago, I promised myself that I wouldn't write about the Westboro Baptist Church ever, ever again. They're America's most infamous hate-mongers, using the bible and Christianity (at least, their brand of Christianity) to justify savage and hateful messages targeted at almost every group imaginable: homosexuals, abortionists, Muslims, Jews, Roman Catholics, even the United States military.

There's a 99.999% chance that WBC hates you, too.

Free speech is one of many things that makes our nation — well, to be quite frank — pretty damn awesome, but this insane, hate-filled cult abuses that right to personally attack the aforementioned groups and their families. When they're not stomping the American flag with soccer cleats or posting hateful parodies of popular songs on their website (the homophobic buggers even had the nerve to parody an Elton John song), they travel thousands of miles from their cozy coven in Topeka, Kansas to picket military funerals, gay pride events, Jewish community centers, etc.

They even went so far as to picket the funeral of Matthew Shepard, a young man who was murdered in 1998 for no other reason than the fact that he was gay. In response, WBC posted this on their website:

WBC picketed the funeral of Matthew Shepard, to inject a little truth and sanity into the irrational orgy of lies consuming this world. WBC does not support the murder of Matthew Shepard . . . However, the truth about Matthew Shepard needs to be known. He lived a Satanic lifestyle. He got himself killed trolling for anonymous homosexual sex in a bar at midnight. Unless he repented in the final hours of his life, he is in hell. He will be in hell for all eternity,

Have you bashed in your screen yet? No? Okay, let's keep going.

Don't get me wrong, I know what these people are doing. Let's just say it's no coincidence that WBC has so many lawyers in the family. They're media-hounds. They picked the most controversial subjects in existence — homosexuality, religion, patriotism, the government — and have blown them into crazy proportions in order to get people to fire back at them. If somebody so much as lays a finger on one of these "peaceful protesters" BAM! They're slapped with a billion dollar lawsuit and consecutive life sentences. You gotta hand it to these guys. They've got a sweet little operation set up.

Here's a documentary about WBC called "The Most Hated Family in America." It's interesting, but watch it at your own risk! These people are very, very, very, very, very, very (did I say very?) offensive.

Back to the topic at hand, I had a crazy whim to get in contact with WBC yesterday. I wanted to  know what it was like to talk to somebody who has such blatant disregard for compassion, humanity — and since WBC's website mockingly claims that they lose 0 nanoseconds of sleep over other people's "thoughts and feeeeellllliiiiiiings," I knew any member of the church would be a perfect match.

It took about an hour and twenty failed call attempts to reach anybody from the church. Clever Netizens have posted the personal phone numbers of all WBC leaders online, but the poor saps can probably only take so many prank calls before they have to acquire new numbers, rendering their old numbers invalid. After hearing The number you have dialed is no longer in service for the twentieth time, finally, I succeeded.

This is a transcript of my interview with a member of the Westboro Baptist Cult — I mean Church. For privacy's sake (and the fact that I can't afford to get sued), I've changed the interviewee's name:

*Phone ringing* 

Schmoopie: This is Schmoopie, may I help you? 

Danielle: Hi, are you affiliated with the Westboro Baptist Church? 

S: I am. 

D: Um, I actually have a few questions. 

S: You have a few questions? 

D: Yeah, I was actually wondering how you guys felt— 

S: Is this kind of a personal inquiry or is this a media inquiry? 

D: More personal. It's just one question . . .  

S: Go ahead. 

D: What is your church's view on feminism, women's rights, that kind of thing? 

S: On, on what now? 

D: Feminism, women's rights? 

S: Oh well, uh, God — there's nothin' wrong with women. *laughs* God didn't say it was an abomination to be a woman. Uh, yeah, so women are cool. 

*audible laughter in the background* 

D: Oh, okay. So what about feminism in general? Do you—

S: You, you mean — well if by feminism you mean, uh, women, uh, trying to be all that and a bag of chips? 

D: Uh, no, I mean women who are fighting for equal pay, equal treatment under the law, that kind of thing? 

S: Well I think that, uh, everybody ought to be treated equal under the law, and I think that women have every right in the world to make as much money as a man does to do the same job.  

D: Okay. 

S: Yeah, that's all groovy-gravy right there. 

D: So, you don't believe that if a woman, or even a man, defines themself as a feminist that they would go to hell? 

S: Well, I think that anybody who defines themself as a feminist, uh, probably isn't interested in the bible. 

D: Oh, why is that? There are plenty of women who mesh— 

S: Did you just, did you ask me a question? Do you want me to answer it? 

D: Yes. Sorry. 

S: Alright, cool. So anybody who defines themself as a feminist probably doesn't have the, um, a proper fear of the lord. I'm not trying to throw a big blanket over the whole thing, but what I'm saying is, the kinds of things that you've talked about, the kinds of aspects of feminism that you've already talked about — equal pay, equal treatment under the law — that doesn't have anything to do with feminism. And certainly we're not opposed to anything like that, but I will tell you that some aspects of quote-on-quote feminism is, I think the Westboro Baptist Church absolutely has a problem with. And that is, that would be stuff like this: Um, the bible says "I suffer not a woman to teach," so the idea of a woma— of female preachers in the pulpits in the churches . . . 

D: Mhmm? 

S: Is an absolute no-no by scriptural standards. Furthermore, uh, uh, the wife is subject to the husband in all things in that marriage covenant. So in other words, you know the husband or the father in the house is the authority in the house. He's the final say in the house. So, those aspects of things, that the feminist movement has tried, has tried for a long time now to usurp and to reject. Uh, w-we, we absolutely — look — if man says one thing, and God says another, you know, vis a vis the bible, we're gonna go with the bible.  

D: Okay. 

S: But we don't have, we don't have any problem with the stuff, huh, the [unintelligible] equal treatment under the law, and the equal pay, and those kinds of things. Who the heck would want to pay a woman and a man a different wage for doing the same job? 

D: Exactly. Um, actually feminism as I know it is exactly what you said: it's fighting for equal rights, equal pay, equal political opportunities, so I was just curious — what is your definition of a feminist?  

Directions:

1. Look up book on Amazon

2. Read synopsis

3. Commence punching yourself

    in the face

S: Well that's a little bit, you know look, I have my definition of feminism . . . You know used to, I used to study, uh, philosophy at the Department — at the, the University of Kansas. I worked on a piece there for a while, so I have a philosophical definition of feminism, but then you— feminism is one of those kinda murky, uh, there really isn't a tightly-wound, uh, you know, disposition there, it's kinda like nailing jello to a tree. 

If you ask five different people what feminism is you're proba— you're bound to get five different answers. But, so, like I said, those aspects of, of feminism that have to do with equal treatment under the law, we're all for. But when you usurp the bible's authority on some aspects of feminism like, say, putting women in the pulpits, and, and having women— and there's a really good book for you to read on this. I can't think of the author's name, but I can tell you what the, the name of the book is. You'll really like this. It's called, uh, Bobbed Hair, Bossy Wives, and Women Preachers. And that's, that's got kind of a bible view of how a true church of the lord Jesus Christ oughta take a look at the roles of women. 

Well, I like women though. I got daughters and I got friends, sisters in Christ, and I have a wife. Cool? 

D: Okay. Thank you very much. 

S: Alright. 

D: 'Kay, bye.

Would I have liked a more substantial interview, one where I was actually given the time to sputter out more than "okay" and "mhmm"? Absolutely.

Analyze that conversation as you will, but I just think it proves that the members of WBC are incredibly closed-minded. Schmoopie may have pretended to be progressive and enlightened by oh-so-intelligently proclaiming his love and appreciation for the female sex (and I quote: "women are cool"), but he's obviously no different than the author of the horrendous book he suggested to me:

• Someone who doesn't think women are fit to teach anyone with a male appendage, 
• someone who thinks wives should keep their mouths shut rather than have opinions of their own, and 
• someone who thinks women shouldn't even be allowed to cut their freaking hair.

I've thought a lot about this since yesterday. I've stewed over it. Rued over it. And as drunkenly ridiculous as this may sound, I think America needs groups like the Westboro Baptist Church. Why? Because they show us the wrong way to live. They show us what hate really looks like, thereby solidifying many of our beliefs in true justice, love, tolerance, and equality. 

So thank you, WBC, for being such major jackasses!

And remember kiddies, if the Westboro Baptist Church hates you, that must mean you're doing something right!

____________________________

Recommended Videos:

• Shirley Phelps (WBC) Gets Bashed by Julie Banderas on Fox News
• Shirley Phelps (WBC) on Tyra Banks' Show
• Shirley Phelps Thinks that the Amish Girls Deserved to Die
• Michael Moore vs. Westboro Baptist Church
• Anonymous Hacks Westboro Baptist Church Website
• Westboro Baptist Church Family Disowns Daughter

____________________________

Contact Information:

If you would like to email WBC, possibly give 'em a piece of your mind, go here.

If you'd like to personally call one of the members of WBC like I did, go here. Scroll down until you see the second phone number given by a person called "C." I heard WBC likes phone calls at 3 am.

A Video that Summarizes My Views on Gay Marriage

This video perfectly — and I mean perfectly — summarizes my feelings on gay marriage. Watch it (the actual thing starts at 0:28), and I'm pretty sure you'll figure out where I stand. 
If you like Nineteenpercent, check out her other video Beyonce - Run the World (LIES)!

The Most Ridiculous Site I've Ever Seen (Rant)

'Cuz I'm considerate like that.

This post is in no way meant to be disrespectful to my Christian friends. If you hear me out, I'm sure you'll see that the website I'm about to froth over is incredibly skewed and hateful . . . Okay, we good? Let's get to ranting.

To my lovely feminist friends:

Don't - and I mean don't - get caught up reading this ridiculous "Christian" website, because afterwards you'll feel like smacking somebody in the face. (Ten bucks says you're going to check it out anyway.)

Against my better judgment, I spent - more like wasted - the past half-hour of my life reading about why feminism and homosexuality (among other things) are "evil." Here's a little taste:

• America's churches, marriages and homes are being destroyed by the vile feminist agenda . . . A godly man is a threat to the feminist's agenda, because he believes that a woman's place is still in the home - baking cookies, knitting, and caring for the children (1st Timothy 5:14). Of course, hen pecked husbands and sissies are exempt.  

• Feminism is synonymous with lesbianism and abortion. Civil rights are one thing, sinful rights are another. Feminism is of the Devil.

• Many wives today are “rottenness” to their husbands health, because of the grief and undue stress they cause for their husbands. They contaminate and rot their marriages until there's nothing left. Some even kill their babies. 

• I don't mean to be unkind [*Me: Oh really?], but America is filled with foolish women . . . who have destroyed their marriage and home. A wife is commanded by God to submit to her husband. Many marriages today are two-headed monstrosities, because of a rebellious wife who refuses to submit to her husband's instruction. The end result is often the wife filing for divorce, which is a sin. Jesus said Matthew 5:32 that it is adultery for her to remarry. 

• There's nothing any more wrong with America today than the sinful way women dress. We've become a nation of whorishly dressed women . . . America is going to hell morally because of immodestly dressed women. There will come a day when God will wipe that imprudent smirk off every feminists face, when they will give account to God for the sinful manner in which they dressed throughout their life. 

• Being a U.S. citizen gives you the “right” to vote; but, it does not give you the right to be homosexual. 

• No one is born “gay,” because God doesn't make mistakes. God created male and female, which is normal. For anyone to claim that God made them a homosexual is to say that God made a mistake, because they cannot bear children nor have normal sexual relations. God didn't make a mistake, you did. 

Sexism, racism, and homophobia? I'm gonna need
a Hefty bag for all this crap!

I could go on (and on and on and on . . . ), but I think that's enough bullcrap for one day. I know it's pointless to get so riled up about this stuff because it's all over the Web, but I can't help it - it makes me angry. Very angry.

What really gets me (besides the fact that the site has links to about 50,000 things that are "sending America to hell") is the author's feigned kindness. In his feminist section, for example, he says "I'm not trying to be unkind" about four or five times. Each time he says that I want to yank my hair out in fistfuls and say: "Well you know what, buddy? You are being unkind. You're being downright hateful." I just don't understand how somebody could bash other human beings so ferociously and then turn around and say "But remember, Jesus loves you!"

I want to believe there's a higher power out there, but I refuse to believe that that higher power would, as the author of this site claims, hate anyone. How could somebody who is supposed to be so loving and forgiving hate anyone?

Before I get so riled up that I wake the entire house (it is 2:24am, after all), let me take this opportunity to get a few things off my chest.

I believe: 

1. No person in this world should be considered more important than another; we should all be treated equally.
2. Men should respect women, just as women should respect men.
3. Women should not "submit" to their husbands; rather, marriage should be an equal partnership of reciprocated love and respect.
4. Feminism is awesome. (Sorry, I had to sneak that in . . . )
5. Women should have complete control over their reproductive health.
6. People's sex lives should be a private matter and not define them.
7. People are born gay (as in, it's not something that can be flippantly changed).
8. People should be able to love whoever they want to love.

I know simply saying that stuff doesn't do anything, but it feels good getting it out there. And if that makes me a "sinner," fine.

_______________________

P.S. I think the author of this site deserves what my dad used to call his D.A. Award. I'll let you figure out  for yourself what "D.A." stands for (hint: it does not stand for Dumbledore's Army).

Spotlight: Alicia Jo Rabins & "Girls In Trouble"

(Above) Alicia Jo Rabins alongside her
husband-slash-bandmate, Aaron Hartman.

If you don’t think "indie fiddle-folk melodies” (HEEB Magazine) are your thing, that’s only because you haven’t heard Half You Half Me, the newest album from Girls in Trouble.

Headed by the multi-talented Alicia Jo Rabins (we’re talking about a woman who’s been a classically trained violinist since the age of three), Girls in Trouble is a unique band that utilizes multiple instruments - from the accordion, to the upright bass, to Jo Rabins' luscious "Regina Spektor-ish" voice - to delve into the often dark and twisted world of the Hebrew Bible.

As Jo Rabins pointed out in a recent interview, the material she draws from is "totally bloody and R-rated, not at all like children's Bible stories," so you can imagine what fun is to be had in her latest album (storm demons, jealous sisters, and knife accidents, oh my!).

As a feminist, my favorite aspect of Half You Half Me is the way it pays homage to the unsung women of the Bible: those whose stories have been tossed aside, forgotten, or otherwise dilapidated by the sands of time. Through lyrics that might as well be printed in poetry books, Girls in Trouble gives these women a powerful, thought-provoking voice.

Now, let's pretend you're like me and don't really "mesh" with religion. You might be worried that Half You Half Me is just another musical ploy to get you into church on Sunday (or should I say, into a synagogue), but believe me when I say that you don’t have to be Jewish, Christian, Buddhist, or any other religion to find something special hidden amongst the ethereal violin solos and poignant lyrics of these songs.

Jo Rabins and friends have created multiple musical worlds - some of which are light and sweet-sounding as in the album’s first track “We Are Androgynous” (listen to it here!), and some of which are more sinister - but each world is strangely dreamy, progressive, and unlike anything you've ever heard.

Alicia Jo Rabins was nice enough to answer a few of my burning questions, so check out what she had to say about her band's unique name, musical style, and whether or not she was a feminist!

Me: How did you come up with the band name "Girls in Trouble"? What does it mean?

Jo Rabins: Girls in Trouble is a concept project: both a song cycle, and the band who plays the songs live. All the songs are about obscure stories of women from the Torah/Hebrew Bible . . . it's amazing material to draw from because these stories are totally bloody and R-rated, not at all like children's Bible stories! Hence the name. I wanted the drama of the stories to come through a little in the name of the project.

Me: Can you explain a bit about your music style and the themes/messages that permeate your songs?

JR: I'm pretty eclectic in my musical tastes and I've been influenced by so many kinds of music - classical chamber music, which I grew up playing; old-time fiddle music and folk ballads; klezmer (Eastern European Jewish music); indie rock; and punk. So you can hear those influences throughout the album, I think. As for themes or messages, I'm interested in emotional truths, which are complicated.

Me: When you're writing lyrics for a new song, what's running through your head? What inspires you?

JR: I think about emotional resonance, about beauty, about layers of reality, about dreams, about the way the words feel in my mouth. I'm inspired by the things that are hard to look at, by the parts of our lives we would rather ignore, and the power contained in those moments.

Me: Would you consider yourself a feminist or an advocate for women's rights? If so, what shaped those beliefs?

JR: Yes, I would. I am the oldest of three sisters and my parents always raised us to believe girls could do anything boys could do. So I was fortunate to take that for granted at an early age, and I've never doubted it for a minute.

Me: What's the single greatest piece of advice you've ever heard? In other words, if you could go back in time and talk to your 16-year-old self, what would you tell her?

JR: I would say, find the things that make you happy, and do them. And be quick to laugh at yourself. And drink more water. And you will find someone who loves you just the way you are, not the perfect version of yourself, so don't worry about perfection.

Me: Finally, do you have tour dates or anything else you'd like to promote?

JR: Yes! Girls in Trouble is just back from two weeks in California, and we're heading out all month on a release tour for our new album, Half You Half Me (Jdub Records). We're going down south and then up north, so come see us play, and bring your friends! Most of the shows we're playing are all-ages.

Tour Dates:

• 5/4 Columbia, MD @ Oakland Mills Interfaith Center
• 5/5 Raleigh, NC @ The Pinkhook
• 5/7 Atlanta, GA @ Highland Ballroom
• 5/8 Carrboro, NC @ Leo Gaev Metalworks
• 5/11 Baltimore, MD @ The Windup Space
• 5/15 Philadelphia, PA @ National Museum of American Jewish History
• 5/19 New York, NY @ Joe's Pub (Release Show)
• 5/20 Hudson, NY @ Spotty Dog
• 5/25 Northampton, MA @ Thorne's Market
• 5/29 Becket, MA: Girls in Trouble @ Dream Away Lodge

You can also check out Girls in Trouble on Myspace, Facebook, or Twitter!

"Jewish? And feminist? Did I hear you right?"

No, I'm not Jewish. But a good friend of mine is, and when I posed the question "can feminism and religion truly coexist?" she was the first person to step up to the plate.

I consider myself a Unitarian Universalist, humanitarian, secular humanist - whatever you want to call it - so I know next to nothing about the inner mechanations of the major world religions. I wanted to write about feminism and Christianity, feminism and Islam, feminism and Buddhism (and so on), but it would be pretty hypocritical/stupid of me to try to write when I'm not "on the inside," if that makes sense.

Here to speak on behalf of Judaism is my good friend Talia, authoress of a blog cleverly titled Star of Davida. Talia describes herself as "A loudmouth, opinionated teenage Femidox (feminist Orthodox) Jew with a love of unadulterated Judaism, a fascination with her people's historical women, and way too much time on her hands," so you can bet her blog is worth checking out!

Here's what she said in response to my question:

"In June, someone asked me what my summer plans were. 'Well, I’m going to work on my Jewish feminist blog Star of Davida,' I replied. The person I was talking to looked confused. I could tell he was holding back from saying, 'Jewish? And feminist? Did I hear you right?'

It’s a reaction I’ve gotten from quite a few people; no one seems to be able to comprehend an Orthodox Jewwho’s also a feminist. I find it kind sad that Judaism, a religion that is so feminist, has been labeled as a patriarchal, sexist religion when it’s really not. The Torah, the central holy book of Judaism, continually affirms women’s equality.

When the Jews were given the Torah, God said to Moses, “So shall you say to the House of Jacob and the Children of Israel” (Exodus 19:3). The term “Children of Israel” is how the Bible refers to the Jewish nation, so commentators question the seemingly-extra “House of Jacob.” Most explain that “House of Jacob” refers to the women, while “Children of Israel” refers to the men. The commentators (who lived in medieval communities not famed for being pro-feminist) next question why it puts the women before the men.

At Creation, God created Adam and told him not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge. God then created Eve, but did not tell her to abstain from the Tree directly, leaving it to Adam to pass on the message. The snake was then able to convince Eve to eat from the Tree of Knowledge, Eve convinced Adam, and the two were expelled from the Garden of Eden.

Seeing how it didn’t work out so well when God didn’t command womankind, God made up for it and commanded the women first at the giving of the Torah. It worked this time: when Moses didn’t come down from Mount Sinai on the expected date and the Jews created the Golden Calf as his replacement, the women didn’t participate.

This is one example of many in Judaism that shows that neither men nor women should have supremacy. Having ovaries does not make someone less of a person, and Judaism is fully aware of the fact. God wants equality for all people, of any gender, race, or religion."

___________________________

Well, what's your opinion? Can feminism and religion truly coexist? Whether you're Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, athiest, agnostic, or a Unitarian like me, send me your answers! I'd love to hear from you and publish your thoughts in an upcoming post, along with your name, blog, and anything else you'd like to promote. Check out the submission rules here.